Just relax
And why the words might do the opposite
Spoiler alert: A hack for Face and Mind.
How many times, when in a (potentially) stressful situation have you heard: Just relax! Show of virtual hands please. Kick the air with your foot if you mean it!
If you’re not sure what I am talking about - let me paint a little picture:
You’re at the dentist, a needle is closing in on you and you hear: just relax. Does it help? You’re taking an exam and your well meaning friends say: just relax. Can you access your recollection muscle better? Or as I have experienced many times before I got into Hypnotherapy and face yoga to relax the mind and face:
I’m in an audition, I know- I know the words, I know- I could be great in this role, I’m halfway there to book this! I’m already in the room - so the casting Director must be seeing something they like. But cold sweat is running down my body and pooling at my armpits. And the voice in my head is having a full blown melt down: “ Don’t lift the arms, don’t draw attention to the dark patches that are building around the armpits. Shit! RELAX! Ah, I should have gone sleeveless, or take a sanitary pad and stick it under my arms, soak up the torrent of sweat- I’ve seen it on Instagram, so it must work. RELAX!!! WAIT-WHAT?!! Is my eye twitching?!! Is this even a thing???? What. Is. Happening??
And there it comes, the voice of the casting director: “Just. RELAX”
My Heart flatlines. Game over. I ‘ll just go orbit in space,
Now let’s run this scenario for the face. It is important to remember: what you think shows up on your face. Your mimic muscles are suckers for self-talk: positive and negative.
Now, same scenario with the casting director, I enter the room, I say “Hi”- very likely with some forehead tension, as often happens, when we are in a “pleasing- mindset” and want to show we are engaged with the person in front of us. The muscles work just that little bit too hard.
Try it out: stand in front of the mirror imagine your boss in front of you and say: “Hi!” Likely your forehead will wrinkle up a little. Now imagine, you are asking for a raise and you have some lines you’ve memorized that sounded amazing under the shower when you practiced them, but now the corners of your mouth are pulling slightly downward- yet you are trying to smile, creating mouth and chin tension, your temples start throbbing, your head is jotted forward creating tension in the neck, your sternocleidomastoid and masseter (over time creating jowls because of the tension) and oh dear the tension-rollercoaster has begun. To my actor friends: isn’t it interesting how we learn in drama school to relax every part of the body except the face? We take workshop after workshop. But where is the camera pointing? (more in depth about this in another newsletter:))
There are two “truths” I was told by a movie casting director (who suggested I should get botox as my face was very animated):
TV adds 5 pounds.
Face-Tension adds 5 years.
My concern lies solely on the second part and although I got defensive, when she suggested to get botox, (I refused at the time, but I will share my botox-journey in another newsletter)- today I am grateful she gave me this valuable pointer and I stand by it. Especially, if you are no longer in your early 20s. What might have looked “wistful” and “deep” now feels tired and overcompensating- which ALWAYS- subconsciously will get the person in front of you questioning the validity either of what you are saying, doing or how you are feeling about what you’re saying/doing. (You have a wealth of experience under your belt, that you can be proud of. No need to proof anything- just wanted to remind you of that:))
By the same token- one of the fastest way to have an instant rejuvenation and inner glow is to relax the face. Like a massage, hot yoga does wonders for me, or a great, love-making session (you’re welcome:)).
So today let’s dive into how to hack the mind and the face and get you glowing!
NOBODY LIKES TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO - not even when it’s you that does the talking:))
We don’t really like to be told stuff. Words like: “you should”, “you must”, “why don’t you” and “just do it”- most of the time have the opposite effect, some triggering a blame/ guilt response or just plain stubbornness. They can also make us feel that we are not in control and the decision power, lies outside of ourselves. Try it out: tell yourself I should do more push ups, I must stop drinking wine etc. How inspired do you feel to do it? And it takes a lot of self discipline and willpower to override the lack of a follow through pattern.
Conclusion: the wording is imperative.
The mind thrives on what is familiar - the mind has tried and tested and therefore decided what is safe- and the subconscious mind’s first job is to keep you safe. BUT it might be running on the principals of some outdated data. For example: You want to make lots of money- but you grew up with a belief - or adjacent belief via parent etc, that only corrupt people have lots of money. And you are a good person- so your mind might “upload some self sabotaging behavior - to make sure you fail in making more money because you are a good person- and it has concluded you can’t be both.
Conclusion: awareness of the “program” is the first step in over-riding it. Repetition is imperative to create a new “familiar”.
So here’s the hack:
Tell your mind that you acknowledge, that a certain belief/conclusion/reaction was familiar in the past and your “go to”- your default setting. But today, you are CHOOSING something else. The magic lies in the word “choosing”. Choosing implies that upon proof of better evidence you have drawn a conclusion and made a decision and there has been a diligent process on your side, of weighing up the pros and cons- the mind appreciates that. It can feel that this is a deliberate act. Additionally it allows you to: “change your mind” about something:)))
Say:
“I choose to (……..fill in the gap) and I choose to love it”.
Here is my scenario:
Marem: I choose to be in this audition/dentist/gym etc and I choose to love it.
Marem’s mind: You’re sure?
Marem: Yes, I’m sure. I choose to be in this audition and you know what? I choose to love it. I am fully aware that there are some programs in place - but hear me clearly- despite what is going on, I am changing my mind and: I CHOOSE to be here and I choose to love it.
Marem’s mind: Ok.
And now you keep repeating this as a powerful mantra. This works!!
Now for the face. I will ease you in with an eye release hack.
As always:
Glow loud-live proud
love Marem
If you feel inspired to go a little more in depth click and glow:))))
Share this newsletter - share the glow rebellion:)